13 Nov 2013, 4:14 pm

        Porn TV by Tiamari

        JUSTINE: LOSS OF INNOCENCE (or something like that)

        The thing I enjoy most about South African TV is the wonderful late-night movies on E-TV on Friday and Saturday evenings.

        The other day I finished working on my computer quite late and went to switch off the TV set (which I left on for some “company”). I was about to press the button when I saw that there seemed to be a movie on. And do I enjoy movies! I thought I’d watch a bit “to rewind before I go to bed” so I cranked up the volume and made myself comfortable…

        I soon realized that I was watching a soft-porn flick in the “late-night hot-slot” (Oh goody!) and figured that it was high time that I find out what all the rave was about.

        Excitedly I glued my eyes to the screen as the plot progressed. A blonde hunk was getting raunchy with a pretty Asian woman on a couch in an office (very nice idea to have a couch in the office I must say!). In another corner of the room another good-looking dude (the professor apparently) was handcuffed to a file cabinet, and thereby “forced” to watch the whole debacle.

        So now we had the cameras moving from the couch (where the most boring sexual moves and noises were executed) to the cabinet (where a semi-worried looking guy was taking his time trying to free himself with a key – which he conveniently found on the top of the cabinet! – while watching the other two doing their moves). The camera went back and forth, showing some up-and-down moves and hard breathing, then showing a guy fiddling with a key in a hole, then back to the heavy breathing, then back to the keyhole fiddling… with some soothing background music of course.

        I figured that you must never judge a movie by the first scene (especially if you didn’t actually see the official first scene) so I stayed and watched.

        The guy escaped eventually and the plot thickened. Not a lot of course! There was some rare jewel involved and some evil girl with black hair and an EXTREMELY gullible and naive blonde girl. No-one said much. It was all very simple.

        Let me give you an example!

        The “innocent” girl decided to go for a little walk. She was wearing a tiny little top (no bra) and a skirt so short that you could practically see her virgin! Her long blonde hair was styled in such a way that it looked like she had it blow dried about half a minute ago and forgot where she put her face. The wind kept blowing it about and she had a constant battle trying to see where she was going. Her method of gingerly removing one strand of hair at a time out of her face didn’t seem to work very well for her but she bravely persisted. Her high heels (maybe not the best attire for taking a long walk in) made the journey even more taxing for our sweet heroine, Justine. She hardly proceeded a few meters when she noticed a very suspect looking car blocking her way. It was a big black car with tinted windows. She seemed a bit confused by this. Naturally she must have assumed that it could spell danger, since she has already once been in a very nasty situation involving a similar looking black car in the previous scene! But our girl is very brave! (And very naïve!) So she walked up to the car cautiously (cause she isn’t stupid, u know) and saw to her amazement that it was just some poor woman who got lost and wanted some directions.

        Now the fact that the woman was wearing a hat that covered her eyes COMPLETELY and looked suspiciously very like the evil one that abducted her in the previous scene, and sitting in the back seat of the suspicious looking car (just like the one in the previous scene)… all these things never makes this girl start running for her life and screaming for the hero, who is but a few paces away in the other direction. NO! She chooses to engage in conversation with the “hatted” bitch that seems to be completely incapable of understanding simple directions to a place that is “just up the road”. So our innocent little Justine allows herself to be conned into GETTING INTO the car AGAIN!

        The conversation went something like this:

        Bad Woman: Hi

        Justine: Hi

        Bad Woman: I am lost. Can you please give me directions to the College.

        Justine: Oh it’s just up the road. You just go straight in the direction that you were going and you will see it.

        Bad Woman (trying to see through the hat disguise but failing miserably): Oh, you know, I am sooo scared I will get lost again. Please get into the car with me and help me find it.

        Justine (frowning, and trying hard to see through her wind blown hair, while removing it from her face one strand at a time): But… you can’t get lost. It’s right there! (pointing with her free hand)

        Bad Woman (sounding impatient): Please get into the car!

        Justine (looking plain dumb): Oh ok. (And then the standard surprised look when the evil one takes off the hat and produces a loaded gun)

        Can you believe it?

        Then there was the other classic scene where they kept Justine prisoner in a little room. They tied her hands together with a piece of cloth (very loosely) and they stuffed a bright yellow hankie into her mouth. (This was done because she screamed when the bad guy was trying to touch her). So there she was… hands loosely tied together in front of her, but still quite unable to remove the piece of cloth dangling from her mouth. After a minute or so she escaped through the (unlocked) bedroom door… peeped through a half closed door for about 15 minutes while the bad guys were doing a scene of really lame sex in another room (the yellow hanky still dangling oddly from her mouth, soaking up drool)… and then remembered that she was on a mission to escape! Lucky for her the front door was standing wide open. But by that time of course the bad guys were finished with their little game and they found that she escaped. In a panic Justine tries to find help but she still has the yellow hanky in her mouth and can’t talk. The strangers that she approached didn’t seem to notice the bright yellow gag and her tied wrists. Only after several failed attempts to explain that she was in trouble did she realize that she could simply remove the gag and speak! And it was just in time! She managed to hide and on and on the story went…

        Of course in the end the innocent girl got her professor and all was fine. The professor was also an innocent type but lucky not quite as stupid as the girl. One can only wonder what their kids would be like… if they can figure out how to have sex….

        But wait… they both had their share of watching!

        Sadly, the sexy advertisements that interrupted the movie were more arousing than the porn movie itself.

        (written by Tiamari)

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